Are we a Self, a self, or nothing at all?

There are clearly different ways of looking at reality and those ways often lead to very different conclusions. For some teachings or traditions, the Self is all there is and for others there is no self or Self and there never was. The ‘there is no-one here (and nothing exists)’ camp seems especially prevalent in non-dual spiritual circles at this time. 

After a breakdown/breakthrough experience many years ago my identity shifted from the personal (tortured!) sense of self to a sense of limitless presence/knowing/ awareness/emptiness. My former identity made up of my history, beliefs, stories, neuroses fell into the background and largely lost its power over me. As the years passed it has become more and more flimsy and harder to grasp. 

And yet, the things that feel like my natural individuality  - humour, quirks, tendencies, talents, flaws – my character -  are now even more pronounced than ever. It’s as though my individuality has grown even more distinct – but now arises within the wide-open field I know myself to be.

There’s no conflict between the two. They’re both true, in my experience.

Even though I am no longer identified with a limited sense of ‘me’, I definitely know I exist as a distinct individual facing all the usual challenges of life and having to navigate those challenges and make choices and decisions. 

“While I can appreciate the truth of the absolute position — that ‘there is no-one here (and nothing exists)’ — it seems to dismiss or negate the relative reality of our human existence and everything that comes with it. Something essential, human, and real is missing. And can any of us, in full honesty and sincerity, truly say we do not exist?